Confined · to · sex, · we · pressed · against · / · The · limits · of · the · sea:

Okay, so I'm taking a break from obsessively reading about politics and how the world is going to end (I'm still convinced that Tampa is going to blow up on September 15th because I'm a crack head). You can tell I've stopped freaking about politics by looking at my happy little userpic up there. Note the non-politicalness of it? Can't? Ah well. I'm stuck.

So I've tried to read fics again to get back into the HP 'mood'. HP7 put such a foul taste in my mouth that I really wasn't feeling ficcy at all. But I'm going to ignore most of the book. It blew. Chunks. Big ones.

I've been reading old Marriage Law fics with HG/SS. I'd like to read a good DM/HG ML fic, but I don't think a GOOD DM/HG fic exists, much less one of those. I'm sort of sick of GW/DM just because I think Ginny is a cunt. Must run in the family because Ron is one, too. At least canon!Ron is.

Yeah, I came on here to vent my proverbial spleen about politics and HP. I wish I could write again. I've forgotten most of the series, and I don't have the heart to go back and read HP now because I know how it all ends. I've sort of mixed up HP with all the fics and it's a big jumble up there. I think I may officially retire AIDE and my fic writing days for good. I am going to go back through AIDE and try to finish it, but I really don't think it'll happen any time soon unless I can squish everything into one chapter. Then to find a decent beta . . . bleh.

I'm just sick and cranky right now, so ignore this old biddy.

Peas,
Sing

So, I live.

Had my daughter, obviously. I certainly haven't been pregnant for the past almost two years since I updated this damned thing. Also haven't been writing fic since then, unfortunately. I was terribly disappointed with HP book 7. It was just so . . . hmmn, canon? The only really good part was when Molly screamed at Bellatrix toward the end and called her a bitch. That was funny. Well, also imagining the look on Ron's face when that one horcrux showed him Harry and Hermione kissing, but that's only because I'm evil and I hate canon!Ron. The end of the book was very pat and totally destroyed most of my fic musings. I also hate Ginny and wish that she would die a thousand deaths. Oh well.

I'll update again shortly, but I wanted to let those few who still remember me know that I'm alive. I really want to write again, too, but I have no earthly clue as to what. Maybe even (gasp) original fiction!

See you guys later

Oh, VOTE RON PAUL

Peace,
Sing

So. Tired.

Tomorrow is the big day. Don and I have to be at hospital by 5.30am and the surgery is scheduled for 7.30am. What they need to do to me for two full hours is anyone's guess. I'd expect it would have something to do with poking me with needles and catheters and other fun surprises. I'm just hoping they don't knock me out this time and stick a tube down my throat. Then, I'm not looking forward to an epidural, either. Those can't be any fun. Perhaps the doctors will get it through their thick skulls that I'm immune to morphine and other opiate-based pain relievers and give me something that actually works. I'm all about the medications for this one, oh yes. Screw that no pain relievers crap.

My husband is probably going to need something to calm him down. lol. He'll probably be crying too hard or hyperventilating too badly to cut the cord or anything. I don't expect much other than I don't think he'll pass out. Poor guy. He's going to need a big hug after everything is over with. Just hope he doesn't try to squeeze me because I'll be in pain and agony after all this. Ugh.

I'm looking into getting acupuncture done afterwards for long-term pain management. I heard from this one lady and she told me that two acupuncture sessions after her c-section made her totally pain free in two weeks. That would rock.

Right now, I'm keeping myself busy by building a website for an astrology business. It may not give me much, or any, income, but it's something to do. Hmmn. Other than take a nap. May do that in a moment. Ooh, or take inkblot tests. Yay, fun. I wish Don didn't have to work today, but at least he's working 1st shift this week and tomorrow he goes in with me instead of to work so yay!

Tickle's Original Inkblot Test
Reveal Your Subconscious Mind

Gabrielle, your subconscious mind is driven most by Curiosity

You are full of questions about life, people, and your own potential. You spend more time than others imagining the possibilities for your life — and you're open to things others are too afraid to consider.

You have an almost physical need to know and do more. It's only through new experiences that you feel a greater understanding of yourself and the world. You also have a rebellious streak that shows up when you feel unable to truly influence the world or circumstances around you. Your appetite for novel experiences also shows an openness others don't have, but wish they did.

Your psyche is very rich; the more you learn about it, the more you will understand who you really are.

Yeah, I think I am going to go take that nap. And spend some time snuggling with my Bean one last time before the baby is born. I'm going to miss being able to snuggle him soon; he's getting too big. ::sniffle::

::waves::

- Spoke with my sister Cassie today. She's living in Wisconsin (Wisconsin of all places, I ask you!) and she's not in the Navy anymore, but she's in nursing school. Says she'll graduate next year and then go to midwifery school which is very cool. Damn girl likes school too much. heh. States that she will move back to Kentucky after she finishes with the nurse-y school.
- Sister also informed me that our dad is AWOL and on a drunken bender somewhere in my neck of the woods (Florida). His friend told her that when our dad remembers his name again that he'll give her a call. Where the hell is Calumet County, anyway?
- Have desperate urge to just get drunk, but can't. Settled for coffee and notes that I am still awake at 3.00 am.
- Wibbling about Bean's poor summer experience this year. Considering that it is his last free one before real school stuff starts, I wanted to make this one special but apparently everyone sees fit to thwart my plans for horseback riding and swim camps. Bleh. I just don't want him to grow corpulent and lazy from bouncing around the house all day, every day.
- Went to grocery store earlier and bought $200 worth of groceries for $125. I am the mistress of the coupon! Bought loads of fresh fruits (apples, cherries, strawberries, watermelon, grapes) and vegetables (scallions, carrots, grape tomatoes, celery), washed them with organic veggie wash, sliced them up, and packed them in storage containers so little Beans and adult husbands can easily access them for healthy snacks along with their whole milk yogurts and cheeses.
- Note: also bought cereal, snack cakes, cookies, ice cream, sodas and other stuff that is complete junk. Almost bought more but made self put an armload back at the checkout. This completely defeats the purpose of trying to ensure that myself and my boys continue to eat decent food. Pregnancy is an evil, evil thing. Have decided to sacrifice myself on the altar of post-junk food poundage and eat it all myself to spare my boys the heartbreak of cellulite. Well, I think I may need their help, actually, there is a lot of crap . . . oy vey.
- Continue to wibble about how I'm going to manage to delay the doctor delivering the baby (you know, that whole scheduled c-section thing) by at least 5 or 10 minutes to ensure that our new baby has a Leo rising instead of a Cancer rising to help offset any of my ginormous arse genetic markers that I may/will pass onto her.
- Plan out trip to health food store in the morning, budget how much I will allow myself to spend on Joshua's pro-biotics and my maternity herbs. Try to find some sort of liquid vitamin supplement that can be snuck into husband's drinks.
- Decide to try and sleep since husband gets off of work at 8.00 am.

I'm wondering if this meme is supposed to repeat itself or if wildebeth is just insane. hehhe ;P I just decided to cut out the repeating questions and keep all the original ones.

( Nicked from Bethy )

Damn, am I glad that I have my husband around for this pregnancy. The past month has brought on all the fun. Swollen ankles from hell, Braxton-Hicks contractions that really freaking hurt, and more of my personal favourite: Restless Leg Syndrome.

My feet constantly look like I added too much yeast to a dough and they are starting to rise up and overflow my shoes (if I can even squeeze them on my feet). The skin is usually so tight that it's painful to touch or even breath on. My husband tries to push the water out of them and it helps for about five seconds or until I stand up. Bleh. At least there are no water blisters on my skin this time around. ::shudders::

Braxton-Hicks contractions, or fake labour, is not something I experienced with Joshua. And I had no idea that they hurt! Think really bad menstral cramps. Constantly.

As for Restless Leg Syndrome . . . I don't care how funny Bill Maher thinks it is, it is fucking painful and annoying!!! You can NOT stop moving your legs. It feels like your legs are just starting to fall asleep, but then you feel ants crawling around in your veins and you just can't make them stop.

My lovely husband discovered a cure for this, though. I think it must work along the same lines as the distraction cure for hiccups. Sex. Yep, my husband is now a sex machine and god love him because for a while there, I think he was afraid to touch me. I'm just glad that he got over that because I'm in the Extreme Horny Lunatic stage of my pregnancy now and I would have murdered him if he had not succumbed to my demands eventually. He's actually been initiating lately and he hasn't done that in a few months. Makes me feel less like a loser that way hehe. Especially if you consider that I feel like the Venus of Willendorf right about now. Two big blobs on top of a bigger blob with a blob head. And no, I don't find that particularly sexy.

I figure that we had best enjoy this fun sexy romp time whilst we can because in roughly one month I will be having major abdominal surgery and I don't anticipate wanting to shag anything for at least three to four months after that. Probably longer if my last c-section was anything to go by.

I'm caught in that place between 'oh my god, make it all stop, I still have another month to go yet!' and 'oh my god, just another month and everything is going to be spinning around again with a new baby and babies are cool and everything but I want more time with my Bean and my husband first!'

Oh well. At least I've only put on about 30 pounds with this pregnancy. This is compared to the 90-100 pounds I put on with Joshua, of which I only lost 50-60.

Yeah, and if anyone is considering having a baby right now, just ignore me. We all know how much I like to whine. :D

Sing

Man, what a week last week was!

A funeral and an ultrasound at the hospital. My aunt died on St Patrick's day in her sleep and her funeral was saturday. Two of my family members got in a brawl about something and wound up knocking her ashes into the fireplace. Wonderful day, overall.

Last week, we also went for the ultrasound to see if the baby has that dreaded Trisomy 18. Everything was perfect and the baby is fine, thank god. It's also going to be a girl. My husband and I have finally decided on a name.

Kathryne Adara Yoder

According to the late and very wonderful Linda Goodman, this name is:

The Star of the Magi

This is a highly spiritual number, and was expressed in symbolism by the ancient Chaldeans as the 8-pointed Star of Venus. The Star of the Magi is the image of Love and Peace, and promises that the person or entity it represents will rise superior in spirit to the trials and difficulties of earlier life, with the ability to conquer former failure in personal relationships and the career. 17 is "the number of Immortality," and indicates that the person's (or entity's) name will live after him.

So it's numerologically sound and very lucky. Joshie has this as his birth number (meaning his birthday), and he seems to have great luck socially and is very conscious of the world around him.

Anyway, I'm tired. We've hauled out every scrap of clothing we own to either throw away or wash before we move into our new apartment this weekend. ::bounces:: I'm so excited! I couldn't ask for a better birthday present than to leave this rathole in hell for greener pastures.

Sing

So my husband and I received back unexpected results from my AFP testing (pre-natal bloodwork). It came back with a high risk of Trisomy 18, or Edward's Syndrome. I'm scheduled for a level two ultrasound and I have to wait until April 5th for that, then to get the results back from that, and THEN there is the possibility of an amniocentesis, which takes 14-21 days to get results back on . . . inducing my husband and I to cry our hearts out every other minute since we heard the news. I don't know how we are going to get through this waiting to know. It's already driving me bat-shit-bonkers. Especially with my husband putting all the blame for this on himself.

Trisomy 18 is like a death sentence. 90% of babies born with this don't make it to their first birthday, if they're even born alive at all. There are certain physical markers that, if found on the ultrasound, lead the doctors to order a amniocentesisto determine for sure whether there are genetic problems or not.

I don't know how we are going to do this without driving myself utterly mad.

Because already, I'm pissed off and upset and I want this baby to be healthy and happy and I don't want this baby to have problems. The only thing I think I can do is lose myself in the day-by-day.

Okay, so I've made three batches of jam this week. It's the test batches of two of my new flavours and one old favourite that passed inspection at Christmas.

The two newbies are: Ginger Lemongrass Peach and Strawberry Lavender.

The oldie but goodie is Strawberry-Lime.

These go into my recipe book with the plain peach, strawberry-banana, raspberry, strawberry, blueberry, and my triple berry (strawberry, raspberry, blueberry).

I have recipes for things like amber pear preserves and even stuff as strange as banana jam or coffee jelly.

So here's my thinking: I want to start selling my jams and jellies. But I'm wondering if there is really a market out there for something like that. I've figured unit price to be roughly $2.50 for costs, so I'd have to treble that to make any money at all. Even if I only double it, who would pay $5.00 for a jar of jam? I think I'll research that a bit more before I come to a concrete decision on the jam business. The wibbling continues.

Also, I want to advertise again that I am offering astrology charts for sale to make some extra cash. LJ price is $25 for a full natal chart report, with pictures and sent directly to your email. $20 if you don't know your birthtime. $30 if you want a composite chart done (that's a chart comparing two people with each other for compatibility). If you or someone you know would like a chart, please leave me a comment here and we can arrange payment through paypal.

Any advertisement is deeply appreciated because I'm trying to build up a sort of 'baby fund' to help with costs whilst I'm on maternity leave at work in a few months. I'm probably going to start a small website about this so people have a reference to look at and see what they want to buy. I tried to post fliers about it at work, but they wouldn't let me put them up.

Catch you later,
Sing

Brought straight from Afterdowningstreet.org and BradBlog.com

'Gag Ordered' Former Translator Seeks to Tell Congress and the American People What She Knows

Online Petition Launched Calling on Congress to Hold Joint Public Hearings by the Senate and House Judiciary Committees to Finally Allow the Truth of Her Allegations to be Told...

Sibel Edmonds wants to talk. About what she heard and saw while working as an FBI translator.

Read more below at:

http://www.afterdowningstreet.org/?q=node/8503
http://www.bradblog.com/archives/00002496.htm

Sign the online petition here

I swiped this from lina_granger's lj, who tagged freely to all who wanted to do this. I can only dream of having the leisure that Lina has. ::sigh::

Name ten of life's simple pleasures that you like most, then pick ten people to do the same.
Try to be original and creative and not to use things that someone else has already used.

1) Watching my husband and son play together
2) A sparkling morning where the sun dances over the pool outside and the trees are swaying gently
3) A cup of strong, hot tea with cream and a touch of sugar
4) When my husband kisses my belly and tells the baby that he loves her/him
5) Nights in front of the fireplace when my son is spending the night with my mother
6) Sunday morning breakfasts with my husband and son
7) Dancing at the Castle on a podium and getting other people up to do it, too (and I miss that!)
8) The fact that rarely does an hour go by when my husband doesn't say how much he loves and adores me
9) Sitting at Denny's in the middle of the night with my best friend, drinking coffee and talking (and we haven't done that in AGES and AGES, have we, Liz?)
10) Watching my baby Bean sleep

And I think that you're supposed to tag people to do this, so I tag: wildebeth, queen_lizard, abigail89, bipolar_muffin, glockgal, icarusancalion, mynuet, lizardspots, mamalaz, and quidditchgrrl. Go forth, and spread your joy! hehehe.

a fully accredited beta reader.

Yes, yes, tis moi. So happy now. I can say to people 'ha! I'm an accredited beta reader'. :D

And in other news: my sister thinks (via Nohari) that I'm VULGAR!!! I am vulgar? Okay, I can agree with all of the rest, but my victorian-esque sensibilities scream at the word 'vulgar'. Bleh.

More other news: my husband is finally going to be getting a permanent position with the company he's been temping for since SEPTEMBER. Bad news is that it's 3rd shift. Good news is that his pay is going from $7.50 an hour to $11.00 an hour or thereabouts. ::dances::

Self-indulgent meme snagged from somebody, uh, icarusancalion?

( Memeness . . . )
Sing

Nicked from: wildebeth

Name 20 people on your flist. Then answer the questions.

( meme . . . )

I remember the days when Don and I would go out and do stuff and have fun.

Tonight, after we dropped Bean off at my mum's for the weekend, we went to B&N for a fun-filled three hours of looking at books we can't buy and reading on couches. I would have enjoyed it more if we could have bought a book (a biography of Eleanor of Aquitaine) because I love B&N, but no. Then I was finally able to drag Mr Grumpy-Pants to the ice cream parlour I used to go to as a kid and he didn't want anything; complaining heartily, of course, about how much my ice cream cost et al.

Damned, worry-wart Virgo men.

I usually leave my problems in the hands of the universe and go on with my life, with the complete confidence that everything will work out the way I want it to because I SAID SO.

Don worries and wibbles about everything and gives himself stomach cramps and panic attacks.

Hmmn. Well, the government took $3,000 of my tax return money because of a stupid, arsing student loan from a couple of years ago that I had just started paying on. Bastards. But, I look at the bright side as being that I only owe $500 on it now and they won't be taking my return next year. It'll be completely paid off and off my credit report. Yayness. ::waves flag grumpily::

So I got back about $900 this year and it threw our financial dreams of paying off some debts into chaos, but on the good side, Don is getting back $1,200 this year instead of the $400 he was supposing he would get. So that helps with some of it. I was able to go get some clothes and a pedicure, and Don is able to finish paying off his stupid gun now. Plus we have money to move out of this hellhole with.

Speaking of hellholes, I've already decided that I'm taking my apartment complex to court if they don't break my lease when I want it broken AND return my deposit. Too many things that they've fucked up on since we've been here that I've documented in detail with pictures that I can show to any judge in the land and win my suit. Having my car towed away because they mispainted my spot and refusing to reimburse the $160 I paid to get my car back; taking three months to fix our central air and heat in the middle of a very cold winter (which meant that we had NO HEAT all winter long); after two weeks of notice to the office staff, they still haven't fixed the ceiling in our downstairs living room where it leaked from the top floor bathroom roof through the cracks around the sinking tub.

Just a few of the many things that have pissed me off about this place and will ensure that I win against those bastards if they want a fight. ::growls and pulls out her sword o'slaughter::

To happier news, look at my bunny icon! I'm hoping to make a few of them from the Wallace and Gromit film. :D

Sing

I ordered this bear from Avon for Don's Valentine's gift. I don't know if he's even getting me anything because he's being anti-holiday about it all. But anyway, the bear is recordable. You can press a button and record a message on it. The bear is holding a picture frame in it's hands.

My next doctor's visit is on the 13th and I'm going to ask him to help me record the baby's heartbeat on the bear and put a sonagram picture in the frame for Don. I may even find out on monday if the baby is going to be a girl (like I keep telling everyone it will) or if it's a boy.

I got Joshie a little basket full of candy with a balloon and the traditional stuffed animal. He'll flip out because he loves getting little things like that. And I got them both cards, of course.

::sticks tongue out in boredom and frustration:: Those stupid people from DCF didn't close the case last week because Joshua hasn't received the psychological help that they were supposed to provide AT MY REQUEST. They didn't originally request it, and now I'm pissed that they are holding this up for something that I had asked for as an extra for my son's well-being, not something that they were demanding I do as part of their little case plan.

::erupts::

To all those who remember this entry last year, there is hope on the horizon.

Those bastards from the government are finally coming together today to close the case. My son was gone from the first week of May until 31st July, 2005. He stayed with my brother, the person I thought he was the safest with, during that time. I only recently discovered that my lovely, darling brother taught my son to make fun of fat people and fed him junk food constantly so that he came home asking for shit like cocoa puffs and kool-aid. My child I've tried to keep healthy and happy, the same one who came home and laughed at how big my rear end is.

It took months to convince Joshie that he didn't have to go back, that this was his home. He still has behavioural problems at school that he didn't have before he was taken away. He still freaks out when I have to leave him anywhere but school because he's afraid I'm not coming back. He has nightmares about the bad people hurting me and taking him away again.

And to think that I'm one of the lucky ones. Most people who have structural damage to their homes due to whatever (they called it negligence, I called it hurricaine fucking damage, but whatever) have to fight for more than two years to even retrieve their children from 'protective custody'.

I've found that the actions of the Florida Department Of Children And Families is illegal. That their threats to arrest me if I didn't turn my child over to them and how they picked my brother up from school without our knowledge or permission is highly illegal. From what the lawyer I've spoken to said, it's considered kidnapping by law and that's why most police officers refuse to be involved.

I'm jumping in on a class action lawsuit with a lawyer who had his children taken away from him on grounds that were later dismissed as a false report. But why does the state still have his children two years later? Because he left them with a babysitter and apparently it is grounds to have your children taken away because they're not in a state approved facility. Or a daycare, where they can watch them.

So, to make a long soapbox rant short. Today is the day where they will hopefully stick their collective noses up their arse and tell me that they will leave me and my son alone from now on.

Sing

Man, I really, really wish that Don and I had the time to sit down and do a comic book together. His drawings and doodles are awesomely dark and damn I want to redo the old Scotch ballad of Binnorie in modern times. Or at least semi-modern, 1920's or 1930's. Do it gritty, old Tampa style when the bootleggers, Italian and Cuban mafia, and occult was big here. People think that New Orleans is the be all and end all of weird Southerness. Pfft. Bitch, please.

Don doesn't like doing comic style because he said it just doesn't work for him; he's better at single images and simple backgrounds. So he says. ::purses lips:: So I'm thinking that perhaps we can do a book of short stories with a fair amount of illustrations. I'm just not ready to do a damn novel yet because every idea I have for one would be over in the telling in less than 50 pages.

So a short story book would work to perhaps break us into the published world. Shit, my love has had art shows before and won awards for his art, as well as a degree because unlike my literally school-o-phobic arse, he actually went to college. I haven't done a damn thing with my writing talent or lack thereof except write abysmal fanfiction.

I do love writing fanfiction, and the ideas pour in when I don't have to think of original characters to put in my plots. I need to work on creating my own characters. I know how to do it, and what to avoid, they just don't inspire me like the characters in films and books do.

Speaking of fanfic, don't forget everyone that I am soon going to announce the Gred and Forge Fic-A-Thon dates and I'll be advertising with a few different communities about it to bring in some fresh blood.

Sing

PS - Check out my new icon! Isn't Beanie cute? hehe

Yep, that's me. I'm a Niffler for FAP right now and I'm running through my list of fics that I enjoy, but I generally tend to stick to the more, hem-hem, adult stories and I need to find some that are more FAP appropriate. Anyone have suggestions or any stories they've particularly enjoyed lately? Heck, they can even be Naughty, I just want something I may have overlooked. I search pretty extensively, but there are always the little odd stories that escape. :D

Also, I am planning to do another GRED AND FORGE-A-THON due to the success of last year and the hopes that it will boost my flagging interest in writing. Well, I wouldn't actually call it a flagging interest, I would call it something more like the biggest writer's block in the world!

I'll be announcing that soon and advertising, so I hope people will be interested in my Twinses enough to participate. I may even do it a little differently this year. You never know.

Sing